Letters to My Past Self: Elementary Edition

Hello friends! Thank you for checking out the fourth and final installment of my Letters to My Past Self series. So far, I’ve touched base with my college self, high school self, and middle school self. From discussing the dangers of gossiping and toxic relationships to addressing my anxiety about the future, this entire series has been a very healing process. Next up: We’re going back to elementary school, which was a time when my innocence faded and I got exposure to the real world. This is Letters to My Past Self: Elementary Edition.

(Trigger Warning: This post discusses death and bullying. If these topics trigger you, please feel free to stop right here! For a lighter read, check out a silly post on traveling abroad.)

Dear Harumi,

This is a part of my life that I haven’t checked in on in a while. I know a lot of people believe that when you’re a child, you don’t have any worries. In fact, I catch myself thinking that way when it comes to the kids I work with all the time. But that’s not really true, is it? You had your own set of stressors. Yes, you were a pretty giddy kid, but I know that there’s more than meets the eye. Despite being a child, you endured a major event that completely shifted your perspective of the world. Suddenly the little world you lived in, wasn’t so little or so happy after the incident.

Experiencing Loss

The first time you experienced the death of a loved one, you were in second grade. You didn’t know what was going on as you stood in the hospital room. You couldn’t wrap your head around the idea that someone that was a very present person in your life was no longer going to be around. It would take about a week for the news to finally sink in and for you to realize how fragile our lives are.

The aftermath of that loss was so challenging. I’m sorry that you lost someone you love, I’m sorry that you blamed yourself even though nothing could change the course of the situation, and I’m sorry for the pain you’ll continue to endure for years to come. You were forced to grow up really early in life, but someday you’ll understand that experiences create the people we become. It’ll never be easy to lose someone and it’s okay to take your time grieving. I once heard that time doesn’t heal your wounds, it only allows you to tolerate the pain. You’ll be okay.

Bullying & Manipulation

You’ll experience your first bully, although she is hiding in plain sight. She was your best friend. It’ll start off with little jabs at how ugly your clothes are and slowly escalate to you hating school because you wanted to avoid any form of conflict. I remember what you were thinking about as dad drove you to school. How you wondered, what will I do wrong today? How bad will it be today?

Another lesson: Sometimes the people we choose to surround ourselves with are not our true friends. I wrote about what friendship should look like in the Middle School Edition to give you a little idea. But let’s talk about some of the things that are not acceptable in a friendship.

It Is Not Okay To:

• Bail on a friend last minute before an extremely important event
• Be forced to say mean things
• Get threatened with a pink slip for not doing everything the friend says
• Constantly be belittled

Harumi, do you understand? That’s not a true friend. You do not need to waste your time with all that drama. Thankfully, you will stand up for yourself one day. She’ll threateningly ask, “Don’t you want to be my best friend?!” And you’ll answer, “No. Not really.” After she marches away, relief will wash over you. I know it sucks to go through these stressful situations, but these experiences will create a strong person, I promise.

Career Day

Now let’s talk about something a little lighter because not all of elementary school was horrible. Ah, spirit week was so much fun. Crazy Hair Day, Pajama Day, Sports Day, Career Day. Career Day was your favorite because you could dress up as anything you wanted and what did you choose? An author. You would throw on an oversized blazer with nice slacks and carry around a notebook in your arms.

You knew right from the beginning that writing was going to be your thing. But I’ve got to warn you. Harumi, there will be so many people who will try to talk you out of writing or majoring in writing. People will mock you. In fact, even some creative writing teachers you’ll have will dismiss any dreams of writing.

You will stop writing for a very long time, but eventually you’ll get back into it. You’ll start with journaling and then you’ll begin to explore blogging. You have no idea what doors will open up for you, who you’ll help through documenting your experiences, or the community of writing friends you’ll find. Don’t let the discouraging comments get you down. Writing has got to be the best thing that has ever happened to you.

The last thing I want to tell you is don’t try to grow up too fast. You’ll have plenty of time to do that. Enjoy your sleepovers, renting movies from Hollywood and Blockbuster, and spending hours at the mall. That’s a time in your life you’ll never get back…

Thank you for reading Letters to My Past Self: Elementary Edition. Exploring the four major chapters of my life: elementary school, middle school, high school, and college, has been a very moving trip down memory lane. Being young doesn’t mean life is easy, just like being an adult doesn’t mean you have your life together. I think if anything, this exercise has taught me to not judge a kid or young adult right off the bat because you never know what they are going through. With all that said…

Good luck on your journey,

Harumi