Working Through My Physical Insecurities

(Disclaimer: This post contains an affiliate link. If you use the link to buy my friend’s magazine, I may earn a commission. Thanks, friends!)

Insecurities. The one common threat that stands in almost all of our way. As I admitted in my Why We Lose Confidence post, I was never really a confident kid. If I could describe my younger self in 3 words, it would be shy, anxious, and friendly. I was a follower, not a leader. Incredibly emotional, blindly optimistic, a people’s pleaser (I still have a tendency to fall into this), and a sponge. Yep, that’s right. Like a sponge, I would absorb everything around me: people’s opinions of me, negative comments, positive comments, experiences. It’s as if I took everything to heart, even when it ached. The following are some of my physical insecurities and how I have been working through them:

Facial Hair

There. I said it. Facial hair has been something that I’ve struggled with ever since middle school. While other girls were developing in ways that I wished I could, I was starting to get a hint of a stache on my upper lip and bushy eyebrows. Hmmm. Maybe that’s why I started wearing emo bangs! At the first mention of my mustache from some boys in my class, I freaked out. I started covering my mouth with my hands more often and found that the more I smiled, the more the stache hid under the shadow of my nose.

Beauty products? I had no idea where to start. I tried Nair and ended having a terrible reaction of red bumps lining my lips. Didn’t think it could get worst, but it did.

As for my eyebrows, my bangs did a great job of covering them for awhile. That was until my Junior year prom. Everything was lovely from the short strapless red dress and silver heels to my curled and pulled back hair. My prom date even told me that I looked beautiful and you know what… I actually believed him. However shortly after the prom pictures came out, people had some words to say about them. “You look nice, but dang… You should’ve waxed those eyebrows.” “Those are way too bushy!” I absorbed those words and started plucking my eyebrows almost every other day following that.

Body Type

Turns out skinny-shaming is an actual thing. In middle school, I had a friend at the time tell me, “Everyone thinks your anorexic/bulimic! You’re too skinny… That’s why!” Honestly before being told this, I never really reflected on my body type. But since it was out in the open and I learned that people were talking about how I looked, I thought to myself, maybe I can prove them wrong! This is when I started having a very unhealthy relationship with food.

I began binge-eating in hopes to gain weight. My goal at the time was to hit 100 pounds. I stuffed my face when people would look away and I forced myself to eat when I was already full. When I had finally reached my 100-pound goal, I proudly marched up to my friend and announced that I did it! But it didn’t seem to matter either way. I was still going to be seen as that bulimic kid, who always wore a hoodie.

Acne

As a teenager, my acne wasn’t too severe. Maybe a few on my forehead and a couple on my chin, but other than that, it was manageable. Fast forward to my young adult years following college, I started getting acne on my chin and my cheeks. The worst part of it was trying to find a solution. It seemed as if every acne wash I used aggravated them. I changed my diet, started changing my sheets/pillowcases more regularly, drank more water, moisturized, wore sunscreen… Not only was my acne inflamed, but new pimples seemed to pop up almost daily.

Even when I tried not to obsess over them, I found myself frustrated and disgusted. Why was clear skin so impossible to achieve? And why did I dislike myself for it? This time it wasn’t an outside force passing judgment on me. I was bullying myself.

Working Through Physical Insecurities

Somehow, over the course of teenage to young adult progression, I started gaining some confidence in myself. Maybe it was surrounding myself with different people or taking time to love myself, which I discuss in my Finding Self-Love After a Breakup post. The following are some of the ways that I’ve been working through my physical insecurities:

Doing This For Myself

Maybe the facial hair plucking started with the opinions of others, but now post-college, I don’t surround myself with negative people that bring me down and point out every physical imperfection. I acknowledge where my hair removal journey started, but now I want to reflect on why I continue to do it. Facial hair isn’t something to be embarrassed about or disgusted by. Maybe it’s my hormones, maybe it’s my body’s natural way of communicating something.

If I want to reshape my brows or remove my mustache, I do it for me. Because this is how I want to present myself, not because this what someone else is telling me to do. I do it because it makes me feel empowered, beautiful, happy, and strong. I believe that asking the question, “what is motivating me to do this?” is really important.

Ask yourself, why am I doing this? For me? Or for them?

Taking Care of Myself

Since middle school, I have had difficulty creating a healthy relationship with food. But something that I’ve come to realize over the years is that there are so many different body types out there and that just because someone looks a certain way, you cannot know for sure what the underlying reasons are. In case it wasn’t obvious from the facial hair and body type situations, I heavily relied on other people’s opinions of me. Unfortunately, I let the negative comments of others influence me to the point of creating an unhealthy habit.

Now I am working on how I can take care of myself better through a variety of ways, such as getting a good night’s rest, taking breaks while studying, exercising, drinking plenty of water, eating more fruit, etc… My body is my home and I want to take care of it.

Battling My Acne Insecurity

This one I’ll admit still plays an active role in my life. When I wake up and see a new pimple, I don’t feel good or empowered. But my skin is part of my home and I got to try my best to take care of it. I know how important it is to focus on the positive and be grateful! But I also believe that it’s okay and valid to admit when you’re not feeling your best.

I used to sweep things under the carpet, smack a smile on my face, and pretend all is well. That is a dangerous game to play and not one that I wish to participate in. Instead, I’ve learned to confront how I’m feeling, be honest with myself, then figure out ways to achieve my goal of happiness. I also stumbled across some acne positivity videos, where girls discuss their acne and their linking insecurities and learn how to build their confidence. That has helped me tremendously in knowing that I’m not alone in how I feel.

Where I stand

These are my physical insecurities and how I’ve been working through them. Some days I feel like I don’t have a single worry and then other days, I feel overwhelmed by my insecurities. It’s a constant journey and battle that takes time and effort to overcome. But I am happy that I’m trying in the least.

Thoughts on insecurities and working through them? Feel free to comment below and show some love!

Before I sign off, I’ve got some exciting news! I’ve recently partnered with a fellow blogger and friend, Enn, on her magazine, entitled Thoughts. It’s a nice mix of positive journal vibes, summer tips, and personal accounts. If you are a fan of that, then you’ll enjoy this! (This is an affiliated link, so if you buy the magazine through it, then I may receive a commission from it.) Check out Thoughts Magazine!

Good luck on your journey,

Harumi