Covid-19: Timeline of Our Stories

This year has changed the way I perceive myself and the world. It has pushed my boundaries, stretched me out of my comfort zones, and made me question what my actions say about me? Does this year reflect that I have a short fuse or am a ball of anxiety? Am I capable of handling large amounts of stress or do I crumple like a piece of paper? Do I cope in healthy ways? What is healthy? Am I okay? The journey of this year alone has been the longest chapter of my life, it feels. I almost don’t remember the person I was a month ago or 7 months ago. This post marks the beginning of my new series: Covid-19: The Timeline of Our Stories.

The Beginning of a New Life

It was the end of March when things started changing rapidly. As the shelter-in-place order became official, my work office closed down and instructors were asked to stay home. I couldn’t wrap my head around what was going on, so I figured that the best thing for me to do was try to relax. In one of my first ever posts, I chronicled the first week of lock-down i.e. pajamas, binge-watching Netflix, and constantly worrying about what the next day was going to look like.

And although the beginning of the week started off as carefree and fun, the anxiety of not doing anything productive was raging in my mind. I focused my attention on how YouTubers’ were handling it. Surely they had some healthy coping strategies that I could utilize. Okay… Create a morning routine, get dressed, exercise, clean, find ways to be useful, meditate…

Time became elusive. There was no reason to get up in the morning, so I stayed up half the night and slept the mornings away. I started going on long walks, contemplating my purpose and how everything in the world was at a halt. I needed to do something, I just didn’t know what.

Trying Something New

A year prior, I bought this domain (lifelivedcandidly) and began working on my web design, but as I got buried in work, I eventually put the blog on the back burner. The strange thing was I almost gave up on blogging. Then Covid hit, I wasn’t working, and suddenly I had all this time on my hands. Lightbulb Moment: You finally have time to get your blog up and running. Go, do it!

Maybe that was the project I needed to put my mind at ease. So I got started with designing and brainstorming blog posts. To put my heart into my blog lifted my days. There was a reason to get up, to create, to express, to make something of my own. By the beginning of April, my blog went live and my blogging journey had begun.

Change in Employment Status

Not being able to work was strange because it wasn’t a situation of me quitting or getting fired. Just a state of suspension. We all had to file for temporary unemployment, something that I never pictured myself doing. How long was temporary going to be? I began looking for work elsewhere to no avail. After several weeks of not working, HR finally appealed that our work, ABA Therapy, was considered essential. With a set of new strict health guidelines, I was allowed to work limited hours with one client.

I was grateful to be back but also questioned if it was a good choice to return. Regardless, I continued to work and eventually built my hours back up.

Summer: Season of Busyness

It was time for school to begin and as much as I wanted to cut my hours to part-time, the truth of the matter was that my health benefits were contingent on me working full-time. Yes, the health care system is a mess over here in America and sometimes you just have to deal. I continued working while maintaining my accelerated summer class.

As for my blog, the craziness of my schedule led to a productive post on organizing a busy life. (Highly recommend the read if you feel like you’re buried in endless tasks!)

By the time my class ended, I knew I only had a tiny window before my school started back up, so I took off on a writer’s retreat. I was mentally exhausted and tired of being sad and wondering if my life mattered.

Where I Am Now

Maybe there’s some truth to the idea that the busier you are, the less time you have to think about how you’re feeling. I think I’ve finally come to terms with a lot of disappointments and fears from this year. Just like everyone else, I’m seeing the world in a state of disaster. I am reminded again and again how important it is to take care of each other, even if that means staying away from the people we love.

I’m also coming to terms with the fact that there are just some people in the world, who don’t understand how devastating their actions can be. I may not understand where they’re coming from or why they believe what they do, but I’m tired of being angry over something I cannot control. I don’t have the power to change someone’s mind or belief system, but I do have power over my actions. If that means paying attention to new health protocols, continuing to wear a mask, and washing my hand constantly, then I’m doing it.

What I’ve been reminded of time and time again, especially this year, is that sometimes you have to make sacrifices. And sacrifices are not meant to be easy. Going forward, I have no idea what the future looks like; if things will be better or worst tomorrow. I don’t know. But what I do know now is that this year has been tough and that caring for each other is much more powerful than we may realize.

Thank you for reading my first post in my series, Covid-19: The Timeline of Our Stories. My goal is to not only share my story, but the stories of others during this strange time. Click on part 2 to continue the series!

Good luck on your journey,

Harumi