I think most of us are familiar with the phrase, “the grass is greener on the other side.” We use it all the time, perhaps as a way to make the future seem brighter? Greener? Better than our current situation?
I’ve lived in the shadow of this “grass is greener” phenomenon and found that most of the time it has set me up to fail. I wanted to discuss why this was the case in my situation and how I’ve been changing my view of my future.
My Rude Awakening
From high school up until my current job, I made almost every achievement into a comparison game. For instance, I would say: When I start college, then I’ll know I made it. After I get a part-time job at a restaurant and study full-time, then I’ll know I made it. Once I graduate from college, then I’ll know I made it. After I gain work experience, then I’ll know that I made it.
When each of these monuments came true, my life didn’t suddenly change to the idyllic perspective I believed it would. Fulfillment was always fleeting.
My Perspective
How I interpret the phrase now: Our minds create this alternate reality of our futures, thinking that when we achieve all these great things that our lives will instantaneously become better. But by creating these expectations, maybe we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. I have personally experienced this and that made me wonder how many other people have too.
Now, I’m not saying that that dreaming about your future is a bad thing. What I am saying is that if we believe without a doubt that our lives will become better once we make it to the other side, then that dream has pressure to live up to how we imagined it.
I’ve also looked at the phrase as an impossible goal to obtain. “The other side” always maintains distance from the present. We will always be left in a state of suspension because what’s lying on the other side sits in the future. So how do we achieve the glory of the other side if it’s never within our reach?
Daydreams as a positive
Every person’s experience is different. Maybe you’re going through some major hardships in your life and you cannot see an easy way out anytime soon. This is when daydreams work as an escape from your current predicament. It’s a good thing to think about a future that may include a better paying job, a healthier living environment, endless opportunities, etc… Maybe you are happier in an alternate reality and there’s nothing wrong with wanting that happiness.
Maybe those daydreams motivate you to get out of your current situation. That’s also great. Motivation is a powerful tool. In those ways, daydreams are fantastic. In fact, my dreams have pushed me to accomplish a lot. I think what happened in my case was that I took the phrase to the extreme and that lessened the pride I had in myself.
After the realization
Once I came to the realization that the phrase did not serve anything positive to my mental health, I took some time to ask myself what matters. For me, what’s valuable is the present.
I want to take a second to discuss a cool concept that my professor taught me. He said that the present moment is like an ocean wave. The current moment is the height of the wave and then it instantly falls into the past. This idea made me sad because I never thought about how brief the present passes. But it also made me realize how precious our time is.
Living in the moment gives us stories to tell and experiences to carry on. I know how easy it is to get carried away in planning future events. My mom has had to remind me on numerous occasions to be present and to enjoy it. She’s right. We won’t be here forever. Cherishing this time is valuable in the long run.
So, plan your future, but don’t get so caught up that you forget about what’s important to you now. Satisfaction is a bit more difficult to come by if you live by the rule, “the grass is greener on the other side.” Let’s try to be proud of ourselves now because what we do matters.
What are your thoughts on the grass on the other side? Drop a comment down below!
Good luck on your journey,
Harumi
Totally agree with you! One thing I’ve personally noticed is that the more we think the future is better, we neglect to live our present to the fullest. The future is important, but so is the present.
So very true! As mentioned above, I constantly find myself focused on the future that I forget about the present. Thanks for the comment!!
I love your professor’s comparison of the present to the ocean. I’ll have to remember that the next time I’m getting caught up in the future (which does seem like a lot).
This is a really good take on the phrase “the grass is greener”. For some reason, I’ve always thought of the phrase in a sarcastic way. So, to me, the grass on the other side wasn’t greener, I just needed to work on my own grass.
Great post! Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for your thoughtful response!! We all have our interpretations of this phrase, but I appreciated hearing yours! Cheers.
Interesting. For me it’s always been the other way around. I’ve been criticized by some people for not looking ahead, having goals.
I’ve never been good at making plans and setting goals. The closest I ever came to The Grass is Greener is day dreaming that I’m going to be CEO of General Motors someday with no idea of how to get there. It’s hard for me to think more than a week ahead much less than “the future”. I guess that means that I’m always living in the moment. I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. The downside is that I’m pretty much at the whim of capricious fortune. Blown about by the winds of fate. Or maybe that is the upside? Middle ground anyone?
Que Serra Serra
I’ve always admired people who lived in the present. I just think that it’s a freer way to live! It’s something I’m working on, anyway!
Hey, thanks for writing about this topic. I’m today’s world comparison and competition has become so excessive that we get caught up in that somewhere and forget to live our lives peacefully. It takes a toll on our physical and mental health. Sometimes you just have to remind yourself to relax and chill and lead a happy and healthy lifestyle.
Absolutely! Those are wonderful words of wisdom.
This is so true! We spend so much of our lives chasing the thing that will make us happy. Neil Pasricha, author of The Book of Awesome says that if you start out being happy, success will follow. Maybe we’ve been looking at it all wrong!
I definitely think I’ve personally looked at happiness the wrong way for a while. Takes time to recondition the mind!
Hi! I relate to this post so much. I also experienced the disappointment that came after I achieved something I thought would make me or my life better but it didn’t. It wasn’t this amazing high that I expected to feel. So I stopped having expectations & learned to like the phrase “the grass is greener where you water it” instead. One of my favorite books is “The Spectacular Now” because of its theme of how awesome it is living in the now, and don’t waste all your time worrying & stressing about the future. Great post 🙂
What an awesome interpretation of that phrase. Really appreciate your insight!!
Fab post – I completely agree with you! I also think this is why movies based on books are sometimes disappointing.. it is so hard to live up to what’s in our heads! Learning to accept the reality, and try to enjoy the little things, has helped me tremendously.
Toni x
I’m with you. It’s very difficult to adapt books into movies without losing major pieces to the story! Thanks for the comment.
Really interesting piece 🙂
Thank you! Appreciate the comment.
Such a good post, thank you so much for the insights! Much needed during quarantine
Thank you for the lovely comment! This is the perfect time to reflect.
Hmm! good point to live in the present while planning the future. Thanks for sharing.
Appreciate your comment! Living in the moment takes a lot of practice, though!
Wow, I love this, thank you for writing it! I have had this problem in the past as well, though I am working to improve it now. I’m a very driven, goal-setting type of person as well. So I really relate to the I’ll be successful when… Dilemma.
I’ve found that while it’s great to set goals in order to get to where you want to go, but it’s not healthy to fixate on them. When I have, what I’ve found is that I’m not happy. I was expected to achieve that, it isn’t really worthy of celebrating… So I agree that it’s important to focus on the now, absolutely. I also feel that it’s important to focus on the process of achieving the goal rather than fixating on the goal itself. The goal should be the compass that guides us on our journey, but not the destination itself. I find this way of thinking allows me to celebrate my progresses as I go, and my successes when I achieve my goals. It seems like I small difference – focusing on the goal vs the process of achieving the goal – but it works for me. 🤷♀️
Wow, this is very enlightening. Thank you for sharing!!
For me the greener grass has often been what other people have or experience. Somehow I seem to find it easier to value and appreciate the positive points of another’s life, than those of my own. I agree with the positives of day-dreaming, and also the dangers. When we start to dwell on what others have, especially without considering their challenges, then we risk envy and covetnousness, and we create ambitions for ourselves that are either not realistic, or are not suitable to the unique people we are. So yes, living in the present, with an eye to what we need to do and be to prepare for the future, is essential. I would say living positively in the present, focusing on what we have, the opportunities to be explored, and the gifts to be shared, rather than our challenges, disappointments and hurts. Then the greenest grass will always be where we are 🙂
I agree! I fully believe in chasing your dreams, but don’t forget all the great stuff in the here and now! 🙂
Absolutely! We gotta enjoy the present because it passes so quickly!