Is the Grass Greener on the Other Side?

I think most of us are familiar with the phrase, “the grass is greener on the other side.” We use it all the time, perhaps as a way to make the future seem brighter? Greener? Better than our current situation?

I’ve lived in the shadow of this “grass is greener” phenomenon and found that most of the time it has set me up to fail. I wanted to discuss why this was the case in my situation and how I’ve been changing my view of my future.

My Rude Awakening

From high school up until my current job, I made almost every achievement into a comparison game. For instance, I would say: When I start college, then I’ll know I made it. After I get a part-time job at a restaurant and study full-time, then I’ll know I made it. Once I graduate from college, then I’ll know I made it. After I gain work experience, then I’ll know that I made it.

When each of these monuments came true, my life didn’t suddenly change to the idyllic perspective I believed it would. Fulfillment was always fleeting.

My Perspective

How I interpret the phrase now: Our minds create this alternate reality of our futures, thinking that when we achieve all these great things that our lives will instantaneously become better. But by creating these expectations, maybe we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. I have personally experienced this and that made me wonder how many other people have too.

Now, I’m not saying that that dreaming about your future is a bad thing. What I am saying is that if we believe without a doubt that our lives will become better once we make it to the other side, then that dream has pressure to live up to how we imagined it.

I’ve also looked at the phrase as an impossible goal to obtain. “The other side” always maintains distance from the present. We will always be left in a state of suspension because what’s lying on the other side sits in the future. So how do we achieve the glory of the other side if it’s never within our reach?

Daydreams as a positive

Every person’s experience is different. Maybe you’re going through some major hardships in your life and you cannot see an easy way out anytime soon. This is when daydreams work as an escape from your current predicament. It’s a good thing to think about a future that may include a better paying job, a healthier living environment, endless opportunities, etc… Maybe you are happier in an alternate reality and there’s nothing wrong with wanting that happiness.

Maybe those daydreams motivate you to get out of your current situation. That’s also great. Motivation is a powerful tool. In those ways, daydreams are fantastic. In fact, my dreams have pushed me to accomplish a lot. I think what happened in my case was that I took the phrase to the extreme and that lessened the pride I had in myself.

After the realization

Once I came to the realization that the phrase did not serve anything positive to my mental health, I took some time to ask myself what matters. For me, what’s valuable is the present.

I want to take a second to discuss a cool concept that my professor taught me. He said that the present moment is like an ocean wave. The current moment is the height of the wave and then it instantly falls into the past. This idea made me sad because I never thought about how brief the present passes. But it also made me realize how precious our time is.

Living in the moment gives us stories to tell and experiences to carry on. I know how easy it is to get carried away in planning future events. My mom has had to remind me on numerous occasions to be present and to enjoy it. She’s right. We won’t be here forever. Cherishing this time is valuable in the long run.

So, plan your future, but don’t get so caught up that you forget about what’s important to you now. Satisfaction is a bit more difficult to come by if you live by the rule, “the grass is greener on the other side.” Let’s try to be proud of ourselves now because what we do matters.

What are your thoughts on the grass on the other side? Drop a comment down below!

Good luck on your journey,

Harumi