Lessons I’ve Learned as an Empath

I have always felt things on a deeper level. When my friends went through their hardships: breakups, anxiety around gossip, loneliness, somehow without any control, I endured those same feelings with them. It was no secret that I was a sensitive kid however, I didn’t learn what an empath was or that I was one until late into high school. According to merriam-webster.com, empathy is “the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another…” The following are lessons I’ve learned as an empath:

Friendship on an emotional level

It’s our job to pick our friends up when they’re down. And while distraction can be really helpful in the cases of intense grief, sometimes it’s good to grieve with them. What I mean is allowing a safe space for them to talk about all the nitty-gritty. I think we take talking/expressing ourselves for granted. At least, I do.

I have had so many meaningful experiences, sitting in my car with a friend and talking for hours on end. That was our safe space. On an emotional level, it brought us closer together. It’s also therapeutic as it works as a form of release.

We are not superheroes

Something about understanding what other people feel has always fired me up. It makes me want to put things right! I was recently involved in a toxic situation, in which I thought I could talk some sense to a friend and help her realize that she didn’t have to live in constant fear and stress. That she had the power to get out of her harmful situation.

I talked with her for hours and really started believing that she was listening to me. What happened instead? Nothing. No action on her part. No change, but the awful same old same old attitude. A difficult truth I had to come to is that I can’t help everyone. Some people don’t want to be saved. Attempting to make someone else’s problem my problem is not healthy. It is exhausting. So what was there left for me to do?

Create Boundaries

The day after I spoke with my friend for hours, she sent me multiple texts, cries for help. I was scared, anxious, and angry for her. I didn’t know what to do next, so I called someone I knew- a therapist. He said that I was doing/saying everything right, but that I had to create my own boundaries. Otherwise, I would get sucked into the toxic situation.

For my mental health, I had to take a step back. Since then, I gave my friend resources to support her and created a boundary. The moment I did that, I felt relief and freedom.

Accepting that everyone feels differently

We’re all individuals and the beauty and frustration of that are that we are different from each other. When I say frustrated, I am referring to the fact that not everyone feels as deeply as I feel. Some people feel sympathy and some people don’t. I have wasted a lot of time, trying to convince people to feel the urgency of empathy for others, when I should have come to this conclusion sooner.

People feel or don’t feel how they do and that’s what I had to accept. Say what you need to say, allow the other person to say what they need to say and let it sit. You may not be able to convince them and that’s okay. How you and they feel is valid.

Those are some of the lessons I’ve learned as an empath. Being an empath can be really hard. I’ve had to distance myself from the news and other people. I feel that especially for empaths, locking up all those emotions is unhealthy and dangerous. So feel how you feel and see what happens.

If you’re an empath, write some of the lessons you’ve learned in the comments below.

Good luck with your journey,

Harumi