Letters to My Past Self: College Edition

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(Disclaimer: This post contains an affiliate link to my friend’s e-magazine.)

Hello! Welcome to my Letters to My Past Self series, where I write letters to younger versions of myself. I thought it would be a wonderful reflective exercise to touch base on some of the old issues I faced. Things I wish I knew back then, but I know now. This is Letters to My Past Self: College Edition.

Dear Harumi,

I know you work hard, maybe to prove something to others, but also to prove something to yourself. You study late into the night, you don’t get enough sleep, you don’t take care of yourself because everything else holds more importance to you than yourself, your perfectionism antagonizes you every single day. You are a candle that is burning out, even if you don’t want to admit it.

I know you feel like you’re not good enough and that you constantly suffer from crippling anxiety because you don’t know what your future entails. You had many sleepless nights as a result of this. Your unknown future was your greatest nightmare.

But, here’s what I want to tell you…

It’s okay not to know what your future looks like. You are not a failure, you are not a loser, and you are not a bum.
It’s okay to take breaks. You keep pushing yourself to the point where you aren’t getting enough rest, you’re not eating enough, and you are neglecting your health. Take care of yourself, seriously.
It’s okay to cry if you need to. Being vulnerable is a good thing. You don’t need to lock all your troubles inside of you.
It’s okay to reach out to friends and it’s completely fine if you need time alone to recharge. You haven’t figured it out yet, but you’re an ambivert. That just means you’re a mix of introvert and extrovert.
Do not let anyone doubt your love for writing. That’s BS.
You are stronger than you know.
You’re resilient, a fighter, and an empath.

What you need to hear

You strive for perfection in an imperfect world. Instead, focus on what you want and let that be your guide. Your major, Creative Writing, was a great choice. People have laughed at you for the majority of your life for choosing this degree, but here’s what they don’t know… You are going to end up writing almost every single day. Writing will not only be a form of therapy for you but open a door to a community of writers and amazing writing opportunities. Do not give up on writing or anything you’re passionate about.

My final advice to ease your anxiety about career stuff. Try things out and see which job fits you. You are not bound to one career for the rest of your life and that’s a good thing for you!

Lastly, you matter and you have worth. I know it’ll take you time to realize it, but you will.

Thanks for reading the first post in my Letters to my Past Self series. College was a mixed bag for me and even though I endured a ton of anxiety, never took care of myself, but succeeded in graduating, I grew a great deal during this time, mentally. I am grateful for the person I became. If you enjoyed this read, check out the second installment in the series: High School Edition.

A Final Note

A quick shoutout to my friend, Enn’s, Thoughts Magazine, where she discusses mental health and has a lovely printable journal available for readers. If you’re interested, please check it out. Any purchases made through the link, I may make a small commission!

Good luck on your journey,

Harumi