Letters to My Past Self: Middle School Edition

Hello! Welcome to the third installment of my Letters to My Past Self series. In case you’ve missed it, I’ve written a letter to my college self and my high school self, which includes some really good reflections. So check that out! Today, I’ll be revisiting my middle school self: who I was, the conflicts I had, and the start of finding a group of non-toxic friends. This is Letters to My Past Self: Middle School Edition.

Dear Harumi,

I think middle school is generally a horrible time for most people, so know that you’re not alone. Honestly, even as an adult, the idea of reliving middle school sends violent shivers throughout my body. Suddenly you were a small 6th grader, who got picked on for… Well, I’m not entirely sure what the purpose behind the bullying was, but they say that bullies thrive on having power over others. You were an awesome, funloving kid and it’s those bullies’ loss that they missed out on a friend like you!

As you’ve previously experienced, toxic friends are a thing. And yet, so much of the time you spent trying to rebuild friendships with people who were not worth your time. That may sound awful or cruel, but surrounding yourself with people who mock you (and not in a fun or sarcastic way), is not healthy and is not a true testament to what friendship is.

What A Healthy Friendship Looks Like

• Being able to discuss personal topics without feeling judged
• Sharing common interests i.e. sports, art, bands
• Listening to each other
• Supporting each other’s goals
• Checking in on one another

That just scratches the surface of friendship. Harumi, you deserve friends that want to hang out with you, talk with you, and get to know you. Not people, who are willing to walk out of your life without discussing why. Losing a friend hurts. Don’t worry, just because I grew up doesn’t mean that I forgot the empty feeling you got the moment you put it together: This person doesn’t want to be my friend anymore.

I’m sorry that you experienced that loss. But in a positive way, it gave you an opportunity to learn about the kind of people you wanted to associate with. Similar to a breakup, it’ll take you some time to get over it. You will get passed this and you will be better because of it.

On Gossip

I know gossip seems irresistible. You may have been thinking to yourself, well so and so did it, so it’s really not that bad or it doesn’t hurt the person if they don’t know. Well, let me tell you something: When you say shitty things about people, regardless of if they find out or not, you are putting out so much negativity in the world. It’s one thing to confide in a friend about being hurt over a situation and it’s another thing entirely to rip apart someone’s identity. You are indirectly harming another person with your words and that’s not okay!

As you’ll soon discover, words carry a ton of weight. Think about how gossip affected you. How did it make you feel when people assumed you were anorexic or bulimic because of your body type? It hurt. It hurt so much that you began binge-eating. (I discuss this in Working Through My Physical Insecurities post).

Basically, I want you to learn that gossip is just a cheap shot at people. No one needs that toxic behavior!!

Dating & Comparison Game

Girl, you are in middle school. You do not need to invest a bunch of emotional baggage with another middle schooler. Just focus on being young and getting through puberty! It won’t last forever and speaking of which, this comparison game you tend to play, will not boost your self-esteem in the least.

You don’t need to be comparing your body to other girl’s bodies or your intelligence to other people’s intelligence. I know how easy it is to envy another person and to a certain extent, it’s okay to appreciate and acknowledge another person’s traits. But when you start knocking yourself down because you’re jealous, that’s a big problem. This is coming from your future self, who is still learning not to compare herself to others.

You are smart, hardworking, happy go lucky, strange (which you’ll learn to value later on), and so much more. Maybe you’ll recall a little something dad used to say to you on the drives to school: “You are valuable and loved by so many people. There is not a single person like you in the world.”

He’s right, you are valuable. It’ll just take you some time to recognize that for yourself!

Thank you for reading Letters to My Past Self: Middle School Edition! I really cherished the opportunity to reflect on my middle school self. All the things she didn’t know and will certainly find out. And something she’ll come to realize is that even when she becomes an adult, she’ll still have so much to learn. My final installment in my Letters to My Past Self series: Elementary Edition is up now, so feel free to give that a read!

Good luck on your journey,

Harumi