The Art of Putting Yourself First

When was the last time you put your needs first? When was the last time you were a priority in your life? If you can’t remember, we have a problem! As a people-pleaser, I constantly find myself in a flux of balancing the needs of others and my needs. More often than not, I put myself last. This happened recently as I threw myself into work without engaging in my morning rituals i.e. yoga and journaling. But what happens when you neglect yourself?

One word: Burnout

You end up running on low fuel, crashing by mid-afternoon, and losing focus! For me, I get a major case of brain fog, making it impossible for me to be productive. One thing I’ve finally pinpointed over the course of my entrepreneurial career is I’m a workaholic.

I’ve always run into the same barrier of grinding to the point of no return, feeling miserable, and then repeating the cycle. Can anyone else relate?

Realizing this toxic pattern, I needed to reprogram values. Yes, I love being productive, but not at the cost of my mental health. What I need to do is put myself first.

Why It’s Challenging to Put Yourself First

Many misconceptions of self-care paint it as self-serving or selfish. But this couldn’t be further from the truth. Rest is just as productive as completing a project. If anything, rest is what gives us the willingness to achieve our tasks. Still, I tend to hold myself to a higher standard. Like many of my peers, I’m a harsh critic and if I can work, I will.

There are many times when I wonder if I deserve to focus on my needs. Do I deserve a night off? Do I deserve to take a break, even though I’ve only worked XX amount of hours? The word, deserve, is heavily based on worthiness and often I choose to believe I’m not worthy enough.

Cut Through the Noise

If you can relate to my feelings, it’s time for both of us to switch gears. We deserve to feel radiant, happy, and worthy. But it’s up to us to get on track to a healthier and sustainable life. Are you ready for some truth bombs?

• The endless to-do list isn’t going anywhere: Whether you rest or not, there are always going to be responsibilities on your plate, from work tasks and chores to family life. So don’t let that stop you from taking time to decompress.
• There’s only one of you: You matter. Your health matters. Your wellbeing matters. The fact you exist is remarkable and you should treat yourself with love and respect.
• Taking a break doesn’t equal laziness: It’s time we say goodbye to this toxic mentality. Breaks are a healthy means of energy restoration. Take your 30-minute lunch break, and enjoy a night off. You will reap the rewards of rest!
• Running the hamster race doesn’t help you get ahead: When you’re burned out, it’s easy to lose motivation, confidence, and sense of self. How can you accomplish your goals when you don’t have any energy to run anymore?

When I debate about rest, I like to remind myself that even computers need a break. If a machine needs it, so do you. Let me say it louder for the people in the back:

Honor yourself with a break!

How to Make Yourself a Priority

It all starts by recognizing your worth and taking action. Here are some ways to establish healthier habits in your life:

Set Boundaries

Be aware of your triggers and things that typically cause you to feel overwhelmed. For example, if you’re consuming too much social media, consider setting a rule where you don’t scroll first thing in the morning. If you’re an entrepreneur and you’re barely treading water, set operational hours to prevent yourself from working more than you did at a 9 to 5. If you work with clients, communicate your hours with them, so they don’t contact you during your downtime. Setting clear boundaries is a healthy way to find harmony in life.

Hold Yourself Accountable

Accountability is all about being responsible. You may be used to being responsible for client projects, studying for exams, or taking care of your kids. But it’s time for you to be responsible for your mental health. You can hold yourself accountable by adding one self-care activity to your planner or to-do list. You can treat it as another box to check off. Not only will it feel rewarding to accomplish it, but you will slowly integrate your needs into your daily schedule.

Treat Yourself Like a Friend

This one’s easier said than done, but consider how you treat your friends versus how you treat yourself. More than likely, you’re compassionate and supportive. So now it’s time to apply that behavior to yourself. If you’re having a hard day, remind yourself that your feelings are valid. Be compassionate and gentle.

If you don’t feel comfortable with verbalizing self-talk, try journaling affirmations. I like to write to myself in the third person as a way to separate my self-critic from my problem.

Example:

• Harumi, you’re doing a great job.
• I’m proud of you.
• Your feelings are valid. It’s okay to feel this way.
• You’re safe.

Prioritizing Yourself is a Process

For many people out there, putting yourself first isn’t easy. Don’t worry – I’m in the same boat. But prioritizing your health is possible. Like any habit, it takes time to establish. So allow time to treat yourself and create self-care rituals.

Before diving into self-care, you may need to deconstruct your values or patterns, so you can make a real change. This is the hard part. In fact, even after you change your habits, you may slip up and fall into old patterns. That’s okay! As long as you’re trying to take care of yourself, that’s what matters.

So, what about you? What do you do to put yourself first?

Let me know in the comments down below!

Good luck on your journey,

Harumi