Phew! 2020 is officially over. It was a year of dread, stress, and a lot of unhealthy habits. As we begin a new year, I thought I would kick off 2021 with a list of toxic behaviors from 2020 that I want to leave behind. Here’s to thriving, coping in healthier ways, and creating optimism in life again! Let’s start the farewell party:
Time to Say Goodbye To
- Self-patronizing: Last year, toxic thoughts constantly filled my mind. I dwelled on my imperfections, my exhausting schedule, and a whole lot of negativity.
For this year, I want to be gentle with myself. I hope to find new and healthy ways to cope with negative thoughts that pop up. And I’d like to work harder at combatting my ‘all or nothing’ mindset. Goodbye self-patronizing behavior! I won’t miss you.
- Not Taking Enough Breaks From Work: With the constant fear of Covid, I thought that there was no point in taking time off. So I worked and worked until I burnt myself out mentally, physically, and emotionally.
I don’t want to wake up everyday completely exhausted before I even get a chance to start the day. So for 2021, I’d like to pace myself a little better, listen to my body, and leave this behavior in 2020!
Read my Writer’s Retreat post, which details how I regained mental clarity.
- Dwelling on What I Cannot Control: Okay, this is a hard one because I tend to be a calculated and organized person. So when things don’t work out, I spend a lot of time analyzing my mistakes.
For instance, when my goal to move out didn’t work out last year, I spent too much time dwelling on the plans falling through. I concentrated more on what I couldn’t control vs. what I could control.
Moving forward, I want to continue to acknowledge my frustrations, but also take a breath and then go from there.
- Making Assumptions: Last year, I wrote a piece about making assumptions, which is based on my toxic behavior. I definitely want to leave this habit behind in 2020.
You know the feeling of not being heard? I sure do and I don’t want anyone else to feel that way. That’s why I started to work on listening to my partner better and attempting to comprehend his point of view. This year I would like to build up my listening skills. See those assumptions right out the door!
- Being Hard on Myself: In a way, this bullet point goes hand in hand with my self-patronizing behavior. I have always pushed myself and while I’m proud of being disciplined and working hard, sometimes being hard on myself has translated to self-resentment for not completing my goals.
I’m tired of hating on myself for not getting something done in the timeframe that I intended to do so. Not only is this mentally unhealthy, but this behavior can easily fall into a cycle.
In 2021, I’d like to work on accepting that things don’t always go according to plan. Time to appreciate myself for what I can get done. Because what I’m doing now is enough!
- Over-Complaining: I was exhausted with everything: my routine life, constant bad news, not taking breaks, balancing school and the blog… Need I go on? Well, as a result I complained… a lot.
While I’m a firm believer in acknowledging feelings, I started making every chore a big deal. (Yes, we’re talking about long and dramatic sighs.)
One day, I was being extra salty about doing the laundry and I finally had it. It sucks being mad all the time! So I tried switching to a positive and self-affirming perspective.
I thought to myself: Yeah, doing laundry is annoying, but I’m a badass for working a full day and doing laundry. Look at this superwoman!
It felt good to compliment my efforts. So as I move into the new year, I would like to keep the positive vibes going through affirmations, while still acknowledging any negative feelings I may have and ultimately, letting them go.
Striving For Better in 2021
That’s my list of toxic behaviors to leave behind in 2020. I know that just because we hit reset in the calendar doesn’t mean every behavior will change magically. It’ll take some work, but it’s work that I’m willing to put in for a healthier and happier existence. Let’s all strive for better self-awareness and self-care.
How about you? What negative behaviors/toxic habits do you want to leave in 2020? Feel free to leave a comment below.
Thank you for reading and as always…
Good luck on your journey,
Harumi
I loved this post! All the points you made are great reminders. I’m trying to follow all of these as well this year. Being kinder to myself & going with the flow.
Thank you! Love your goals of being kinder to yourself and going with flow.
This entire post resonates with me. It’s absolutely relatable to how I’ve been feeling. I’m also leaving behind over complaining and negative self talk!
That’s wonderful! It’s time for us to work for ourselves, rather than against ourselves, starting with some positivity!
Love the honesty here and it got me thinking about my own toxic traits that I need to leave behind. One that popped into my head was the negative self-talk I’ve fallen back into so I’m going to work on fixing this!
Thanks for sharing!
I appreciate what you said about negative self-talk! Acknowledgement is the first step.
I’m absolutely striving for better in 2021. Thanks for the tips!
Yay! Good for you. Here’s to making this year better for us!!
Very helpful reminders. I will be working on these as well.
Yay! So glad to hear about that.
Good thoughts!
Thank you for the lovely comment!
Hi Harumi, I’m glad you shared your post with me on Twitter because it was exactly what I needed to read. I share your sentiments of the baggage of 2020 and not letting it weigh me down in 2021. Count me in as a regular subscriber and visitor!
-Seth
Hi Seth! Thank you so much for this lovely comment and for subscribing to my e-mail list. Let’s keep the positive vibes going and make this a better year!
I’m Dutch and we’re basically famous for over-complaining and it’s indeed such a horrible habit 🤦🏻♀️ It’s so easy to go into a downward spiral that way!
I agree! Still, I think it’s important to recognize when you’re frustrated, but afterwards, try to release it.
Exactly, I love this! Such a wholesome and personal post! May we all complain less about what we can’t control and say good things about ourselves. During this time we need to be strong but healthy and we can do that by taking breaks and patience. Thank you so much for this! Really enjoyed it.
http://www.lifebeginsattwenty.com
Awesome summarization! I’m glad that mental health is a major topic these days. We need to take care of ourselves. Thank you for the comment!
Good luck ridding yourself of these behaviors! I have full faith you’ll be able to do so, and I hope you remember to be gentle with yourself on the days when you may slip back into them a little. None of us are perfect, after all 😛 Dwelling on what one can’t control is definitely one trait I need to work on snapping out of myself.
L || https://lauraorvokki.com/en
Yeah, I’m going to try to be gentle, especially when I fall back. It’s a journey and definitely will take time to change old habits! Thank you for the lovely comment.
Great points – I can resonate with each one. Totally there with you on over-complaining or just being really impatient…2020 really taught me about just living day by day, taking things as they come, and doing what I can in the current moment. Not worrying about the future or things that I have absolutely no control over and really helped me feel so much calmer.
Hayley || hayleyxmartin
Thank you for the thoughtful comment! I have a tendency to be extremely future-oriented, so definitely working on living in the present. I’m glad that focusing on the now has made you feel calmer!
All of these…YES! I relate to every single one and I need to free myself from them all as well. Here’s to us being better in 2021!
Yes! Cheers girl! Let’s make this year about bettering our mental health!
We can definitely be our own worst enemy, that’s for sure. Good luck with taking the behaviours you want to change
Thank you! Everyday is a work in progress, but the best rule of thumb is to start today!
I’m trying to be less hard on myself, too. 😀
That’s great! It can be a challenge, but I think that being self-aware helps promote positivity.
YES, it all comes down to listening more to yourself, what you want & need rather than surpressing for what is right!
Ana, http://www.adreamersland.com
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Exactly! You took the words right out of my head. Lately, I’ve been especially working on taking breaks as I constantly fall into that workaholic mentality. Thanks for the lovely comment!
Nice article. We all need to put some efforts into dropping toxic behaviors.
Exactly! Think it would set us up for success.
Yes! I love all of these! 2020 may have been difficult but we certainly learned a lot about ourselves 🙂 good luck with these.
I can relate to that sentiment. Thank you for the lovely comment!
This is a great post Harumi! 2020 was so tough but I believe everyone learned something from it! It was a year of massive trial and error! I’m on the same boat, I want to leave being hard on myself back in 2020. Self care IS productive! Thanks for sharing x
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Thank you for the lovely comment! What I’ve learned is that self-care requires intention, but it’s an everyday journey!